Sex. It drives us, makes us who we are. I write it and I have a lot of opinions about it. And about other things--everything from movies to politics to education. In fact, after several months absence I've come to realize that I am no sex-pert and that my opinions and passions are far too varied to limit myself to only sexual issues. So....since this is my blog, I figure I should be able to voice my opinions about whatever I please.
If that makes me a be it!

So read, comment, ask questions, rant and rave...but most of all enjoy and open your mind to possibilities!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

By the Bi...

In honour of the impending release of my new M/M/F story, Triple Knot, I thought it was a good time to look a little more deeply into the male bisexual experience. An acquaintance of mine was kind enough to agree to answer some....basic questions about his personal experiences with his sexual orientation.

Meet Paul....a 40-something year old male who has, taken what the world has to offer and lapped it up. Sometimes...literally! If this interview sparks any comments, or further questions...please don't hesitate to ask. Paul is quite open to continuing the dialogue.
(Warning: Some answers are quite graphic. Rather like something you'd find in an erotica novel. ;-)

Here goes....

1. Paul, did you always know you were attracted to men as well as women? If not, how old were you when you first came to the realization that you were attracted to men?

My case is special: When I was barely 12, I began having erections. And, um, they were big. No, I'm not bragging. I'm a true 8". But on a 12-year-old, an 8" erection is HUGE . And the 2nd or 3rd time I had one - still being a child - I did what all children do with something new: I put it in my mouth. Now don't ask me why I did that (why does any kid put anything in his mouth??), I just did. And about 10 seconds later I discovered something else new: ejaculation. Right down my throat. It tasted funny but it felt great!! --Wow! Seriously?? I gotta wonder how many men enough to be able to do this! I think I feel a poll question coming on! This is truly fascinating.

At the time, I didn't even realize that would be considered "sex" because I had no clue what sex was. I just knew it felt great when I did it. So I did it a lot. I didn't tell anyone, not because I was ashamed, or knew it was wrong, but because it felt so good. Anything else I did that was fun, someone - parents, teacher, babysitter - would tell me to stop. I was afraid someone would tell me to stop putting my cock in my mouth. --Yeah...isn't that the way? Everything fun is bad. This question has come up on this blog before. The idea that denying yourself pleasure makes a person somehow more responsible. Righteous. Holy even. It is a huge issue that gnaws ag me...and bears a lot more dialogue than I have time for here.

Before anyone explained what sex was to me, I remember being fascinated with crotches. Girl's crotches in tight jeans (very in style then). Then I noticed that when boys wore tight jeans, their crotches looked different. In an interesting way. I knew, in a vague kind of way, that all boys had penises, and that girls didn't. But I didn't understand why other boy's penises looked so small compared to mine. I also knew, in a similarly vague way, that you put your penis in a girl - but I couldn't figure out where you put it. In her belly button? If so, could you put it in a boy's belly button too? And why would you do such a thing anyway? So many questions.... mom told me about sex but she told me that the man "went to the bathroom" inside the woman's vagina. Put me off the whole idea for YEARS! Gotta wonder which is worse...NO information? Or semi-neurotic misinformation?

Now here's the thing: I was putting my cock in my mouth 2 or 3 times a day. Why not? But it simply never occurred to me that you could put another guy's cock in your mouth too. Why would it? I also simply didn't realize that not every guy could put his cock in his mouth. I assumed all guys could. Again, why would I think otherwise? And if you could, well, why the hell wouldn't you?? So the first time I heard other boys (13 years old?) talk about "cocksucking" derisively, I thought "what the hell is wrong with them - cocksucking is fun!!" How could anything that felt so good be wrong?? But since they all seemed to think it was the worst thing a guy could do, I kept my pleasures to myself. But I started to think that maybe I could show them how much fun it really was... And so I began to think about sucking other boys' cocks - all in the name of teaching them, you understand. I think at the time, I thought that it would feel just as good as sucking your own... ('s a question for future reference...Who is generally better at giving men oral? Men or women?)

2. Once you came to the realization, did you experience any hesitation or fear over acting on these desires? And if so, why? And was there a specific event or catalyst that caused you to overcome your hesitations and take that first step?

Of course - as described above, guys seemed to think cocksucking was dirty and disgusting. So for all that I imagined showing them how much fun it was, it didn't happen until I was much, much older (and had a whole different understanding). Yeah...strange how cock-sucking by a female is all sweetness and light, but switch genders and suddenly the very fabric of society is threatened.

Was there a specific event or catalyst that finally caused it to happen? If there was, it was just the last of my own inhibitions falling away. That, and an incredible first experience that guaranteed there'd be more.

3. Do you still enjoy women as much as ever, or have your experiences with men affected those desires at all?

Absolutely! Sex with a woman is entirely different than sex with another guy - at least to me. For me, there's almost always some emotional tenderness with a woman, and almost never with a guy. Almost.

If anything, having sex with guys has taught me a lot about having sex with women. Just noticing the differences gives you the ability to exploit them for your partner's pleasure.

4. Have you experienced a threesome with a male/female couple yet? If so, was it a positive experience? What did you like about it? Anything you disliked?

Yes, and it was great, every single time it happened. I'll never forget the first time I saw the look on a girl's face as I made her husband cry in pleasure as he came again and again from the firm-but-gentle butt-fucking I was giving him. She knew that I was giving him something she never could, and she was ecstatic and terrified all at once. I stopped, went to the bathroom and noisely cleaned myself. When I went back in, she was kneeling beside him asking him if he was OK, to which he was whimpering "Oh, yes, oh, God, yes" She then wanted to suck me, but I gently pushed her to one side and made her husband suck my cock right in front of her face. Once again, her eyes went wide as she watched how eagerly he slurped on me. Then I lifted her onto the bed right beside him and eased my wet cock into her. I held her close in my arms and thanked her for letting me bust her husband's cherry.
 A few minutes after that, some careful poking at her G-spot had the desired effect, and she came very hard, holding on to me. Then I got out and told her husband to get in. I got on the floor between their legs, and after a few minutes of him stroking her, I leaned in and licked his balls. He came with a scream, and so did she. Then, as they lay in each other's arms, I lay down beside them and told them how much I enjoyed making both of them cum. As the husband went to clean up, I told her that she shouldn't be afraid of him enjoying it, and that just because I had sex with other guys didn't mean I didn't enjoy sex with women too - including her, as I'd just demonstrated. She smiled and said that she understood better now. They invited me back many times.
--Well, this answer pretty much speaks for itself! Might've come right out of one of my books. Are you sure it didn't? lol

5. Do you feel comfortable "coming out" with these tendencies to more "vanilla" friends and family? If not, what are the attitudes that discourage you from doing so?

I never did tell anyone in my family, and only a couple of my vanilla friends. People just can't understand that "bisexual" isn't the same as "gay" (and that "gay" doesn't always mean "flaming pink cross-dressing femme queer with lisp") For reasons that completely elude me, they think that if you like sucking cock, that's all you like.
--Exactly. And sad though it may be...this is a huge part of the reason I write these novels and this blog. Aside from the sheer joy of writing them...and yeah, ok...the royalties are nice, too...I truly hope that I'm doing my small part in raising awareness and hopefully tolerance and acceptance of the bisexual male's situation and lifestyle. Each time a reader gets to know these they become real and personal...they become less alien and more familiar. It's much harder to hate something you understand.

6. What if you found yourself in a satisfying triad-style relationship with a man and a woman...would this be a long-term commitment that you would consider making?
Sure; why not? Relationships are about how well your personality matches anothers', not their gender. Unfortunately there are FAR too many people who would disagree with you there. But maybe, eventually, we can change their minds on that point.

Thank you, Paul,) for answering my questions so honestly and candidly. I hope I can call upon you if any new and intriguing questions come up--either from myself or my readers. But for now, thanks for this fascinating glimpse into your world and your experience!

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