Sex. It drives us, makes us who we are. I write it and I have a lot of opinions about it. And about other things--everything from movies to politics to education. In fact, after several months absence I've come to realize that I am no sex-pert and that my opinions and passions are far too varied to limit myself to only sexual issues. So....since this is my blog, I figure I should be able to voice my opinions about whatever I please.
If that makes me a be it!

So read, comment, ask questions, rant and rave...but most of all enjoy and open your mind to possibilities!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sexy quote of the week - June 27

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The breast defense!

It's well...a good pair of breasts, apparently! Actually they don't even have to be "good". They just have to be bared for the world to see. It's amazing what one can accomplish with a pair of bare nipples and a hearty dose of chutspah! As is evidenced by this story from a Toronto news service: Bare Breasts vs. Neighbour's ATV.

In a nutshell a Kingston area (Southern Ontario) woman got so fed up with the noise incurred by the ENDLESS hours that her neighbours' five-year-old grandson spent driving his ATV up and down her quiet suburban street....that she took matters into her own bra...and walked out her front door topless. The grandparents were so horrified by the vision of a pair of bare areolas that they immediately hauled their grandson inside out of sight of the lethal apparatus. Lest his childhood innocence be marred and forever lost in the face of such visual brutality. If you think I sound a tad unsympathetic to the grandparents'd be absolutely right. Having dealt with inconsiderate, noisy, pot-smoking, muscle-car-engine-revving-at-2 a.m. neighbours in the past I am in total sympathy with the woman's plight. In fact if I had thought walking outside with my shirt off would have saved me the $700 it cost to get a survey that forced our neighbour to move his fence back onto his OWN property...I most certainly would have done so! Unfortunately I don't think that would have addressed the problem, however I have to applaude the woman for her creative problem-solving! And goddamnit....I'm so glad to live in a country where bare boobs are a protected human right!

Now there is one very telling aspect to this line that bothers me and that really sums up the problem with the entire situation. It's a quote from the police officer who was called to the scene. And I quote: "It isn't right to go around topless in front of kids." And that brings to mind the question...Why??

What is it about breasts that is so damaging to young minds? Now, I confess....I am hesitant to go topless in front of my teenage boys. However, in my defense I only discovered a more...enlightened  sense of sexuality and the confidence to go topless ANYWHERE in the last 6-7 years. Previous to that I was quite repressed and busily working through my own sexual issues. So to suddenly expose my boys to seeing their mother's breasts now after so many years of maternal modesty...and especially as teenagers....does seem a tad over the top. Even for me. HOWEVER...over the last number of years, during our countless hours of movie-watching as a family I have rigorously enforced my view that there is nothing wrong with the female form and that just seeing a pair of breasts is no threat to their moral fiber. Basically that means that any bare breasts that flash across the screen are free to do so unhindered....and without comment from me. It is part of life and, more importantly, part of being human. Same goes for shots of bare asses of both the male or female persuasion. And even the far-too-rare full-frontal penis-shot. I refuse to cringe at my children's being exposed to evidence that there are other men out there with penises...just like theirs.

What is it about breasts (and penises, btw) that makes them so threatening? I would propose that it is the very fact that they are hidden. The sense of forbiddenness merely adds to their mystery and the titillation potential is enhanced. Was it not barely a hundred years ago that sight of a woman's ankle was cause for gasps and hauling out the epsom salts? Let alone the moral downfall of respectable man?

Strange how as the skirts got shorter, the ankles, knees and even thighs somehow lost their ability to corrupt. I would propose the same to be true of breasts. Strike that. Nipples, as in reality (and as I've discussed before) that is really what the controversy boils down to.  I would contend that the sight of a bare nipple is not enough to send anyone to a life of moral depravity (what does that mean, btw??) and crime. And that teaching our children to be considerate of others is a far more important lesson than teaching them how to cover their eyes when a woman loses her bikini top in the surf. And I deeply believe that the younger we start teaching children that lesson--along with the lesson that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to the human body--the better.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

By the bi....part deux

I'd like to introduce, Brian. Brian is a reader and fan who found me through my stories and very kindly offered to share some of his experiences as an exploring bisexual male.

Brian, you've told me that you began the exploration of your bisexuality later in life. How old were you when you had your first experience with a man?
I began to tentatively explore my desires for men in my early twenties. While still in university, I visited men's steam baths several times. Inexperienced, I was approached by men, but it did not go any further than being manually fondled. It was not until years later, in my early 30's did I have my first complete sexual experience with a man, again at a steam bath.
Although this encounter took place over 20 years ago, I recall it like it happened yesterday. I awoke very early on a hot, sultry summer morning. I became aware of my raging hard-on that was aching for attention. I felt the hard shaft and the hunger within. I knew that this was a need that could not be satisfied by a pussy. It was if my cock had a mind of it's own and I was following it's agenda. It was time and I was ready. I slipped on a tight, black spandex G-string, which barely contained my growing lust and left my apartment.
I arrived downtown, shortly, and entered the steam bath. The sign said "Men Only" and remember my cock twitched delightfully. I got a room and towel and stripped down. I felt very sexual, alive and was very much a man on a mission. I knew what I wanted and I was here to get it.
I finally saw him. He was older, probably 10-15 years my senior, about my height with a slim body and I wanted him. I just knew he was a man that would meet my needs and I confidently ushered him into my room. I do not remember what I said, if anything. Certainly little was said as words were not required. My confidence and direct attitude I believed conveyed to him my desires. He was responding to my masculinity. We were on the same wavelength and nature was taking it's inevitable course. I pulled the towel that he was wearing around his waist and pushed him onto my bed where I caressed his nipples with my hands. The blood rushed into my cock giving me a hard, strong erection. I used my hand to spread his legs as I prepared to enter my first man. I slid into him easily, like a hot knife into butter, and beautifully.  As I gently, but firmly pushed into him I felt him open up to me, an incredible feeling of his desire to please me and give me what I wanted. The the full length of my engorged cock was now buried inside of him and I began to fuck him slowly and rhythmically. I was just seconds away from what was to be the most intense and satisfying orgasm I had experienced. I wanted to savour the moment, commit it to memory where it would be burned into my brain. I exploded into him filling him with every drop of semen that my body had produced. I never felt so sexual, so masculine so potent. I had penetrated a man and planted my seed in him. Mating with him was not only sexually very satisfying, but also psychologically fulfilling. I felt complete and believed I was on the path to realizing my full potential as a man.

Initially, I cannot recall when I develped an interest/attraction to male"s. I think it had to do with wanting to express my masculinity and sexuality without the social contraints/requirements of meeting, dating and so on. I think the catalyst was experiencing my sexuality on a animalistic level. I see, I want, I take approach.
My first full sexual experience was fuelled by pure lust. I wanted to have a man underneath me, penetrate him and plant my seed inside of him. The experience was incredibly intense and fulfilling. Mating with a man was for me the ultimate act in expressing my masculinity and sexuality.

Do you still enjoy women as much as ever, or have your experiences with men affected those desires at all?
Yes, I adore women and love to please them. If anything my experiences with men have made me a more passionate, sensual lover. I believe all our sexual experiences make us the person/lover that we are. Any positive sexual experience is enhancing and affirming. I do, however, have needs that only a man can satisfy. 

Have you experienced a threesome with a male/female couple yet? If so, was it a positive experience? What did you like about it? Dislike?
I have been in a threesome two times with a m/f couple. Absolutely it was positive experience. The first time, it was at a swingers club in Boca Raton, Florida, many years ago. I saw a mature, older, tall, slender and busty woman accompanied by a much older gentleman. In the whirlpool I approached her directly and introduced myself. She put me off by saying something like maybe I could see her later. I don't recall exactly what or how she rebuffed me. I went to lie down in the sun and within minutes her husband asked me if I wanted to join them. I was not interested in him, but I was aching for her. He massaged her breasts, while I worked on her pussy, exploring her with my fingers. After some time, she said she needed a break and they left. She did come back and as my hand slipped into her I felt a wetness I have never experienced before. It was like she was melting inside from the raging desire in her pussy.

 No regrets, if I was not going to have her, it would not be for not trying. It was a real turn-on her coming for me and massaging her with her husband. Her leaving to consider if she wanted to proceed and then coming back confirming her interest really aroused me. The tease factor, having to wait and the realization that my patience paid off when she laid down again and she opened up to me completely. I loved fucking her while her husband watched.

My second experience was  about 5 years or so ago in Toronto. I had answered an ad in a swinger's magazine from a dominant bisexual, mature couple. They were from out of town and we met at a hotel in downtown Toronto. After going down on the woman briefly, her husband took me away from her and began to passionately suck me. I responded strongly to his mouth and was hard for him. His wife took over for a short time only. I did not say anything, but preferred her husband's attentions. I came very close to climaxing for him, but I could not get over the edge. It is often difficult the first time with someone new. I spent some time passionately kissing his wife which I enjoyed very much.
As I was relaxing on my stomach, without a word, her husband lay on top of me and knowing what he desired, I opened my self for him. He pushed his cock-head into me, but being very tight and inexperienced (and without the benefit of preparation and lubrication) I was unable to receive his shaft. I do remember his wife lying beside us and whispering to me, "he's the best." Reflecting on that and his desire to penetrate me is very exciting. This is what I am currently seeking/craving to experience. This encounter clarified for me my deepest desires. Unlike the previous threesome, most of the interaction was with the man. To-day I am only interested in couples where the man is bisexual and an alpha male only, not a switch.

Do you feel comfortable "coming out" with these tendencies to more "vanilla" friends and family? If not, what are the attitudes that discourage you from doing so?
I have no desire to come out, as it were, to family or friends etc. Being bisexual to me is about desires and is not akin to pretending to be straight when one is gay. I am true to who I am, and that is what is important.
When I was in my 30's I had a sexual relationship with a woman. I revealed to her my bisexual desires. She was very supportive. She did not feel threatened or insecure about my needs for men. She encouraged me and asked about my adventures. She did not ask to be included or watch, nor did I offer this to her. Looking back her approval was very important to my evolving sexually. If she had been negative in her reaction, I am sure this would have had some negative impact on me.

What if you found yourself in a satisfying triad-style relationship with a man and a woman...would this be a long-term commitment that you would consider making?
Nikki, as you know I have been approached by a woman to serve her husband and her sexually. We have exchanged some information, pictures and discussed our desires. We seem well-matched and I believe there is a potential for chemistry. We need to meet to see if there and progress from there. My heartfelt desire is to serve a mature, confident couple who are libidinous, passionate, sensual and clear about their desires/needs. It takes some time and effort to create/achieve this type of dynamic. I would not use the word commitment, but an ongoing/evolving situation.
Her husband is an ALPHA MALE who she wants to see pleasured by another man. This is what I have been craving now for some time. To experience a man's passion, potency and virility. I would hope that this would be ongoing, so we could continue to explore our sexual desires. I have needs beyond orally servicing a man. I want to experience real intimacy and male bonding. I think it is natural over time as people become more comfortable with each other that inhibitions are shed opening the door to unexplored desires.

I want to be pursued by a married ALPHA MALE, with his wife's blessing, to be seduced and bedded by him. I want to be lusted after by him and to be desired by him. To know that he is aching and dripping to get into me would boil my brain.

Thank you so much, Brian, for these insightful and compelling answers! It is fascinating to me to have a glimpse into the experiences of a man who is, in a very real way, living some of the stories that I have been writing. Thank you for sharing.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

In the cut

I am the proud mother of three boys. Actually...judging from the results of our measuring session this morning and the fact that our 13-year-old has now slightly surpassed his older brother and is now pushing the six-foot envelope...I am the mother to three young MEN!  And as they approach official manhood and have to face all the challenges that such a status entails, I am once again grateful for the decision that my hubby and I made upon their birth.

I am speaking of the controversial question: To cut or not to cut?

For us the question was a relatively simple one. Not only was my husband circumcized, so there was the factor of not wanting the boys to look "different" from the dad. But also, thanks to my work at the hospital which had shown me that there was a startling number of full grown men coming through for circumcisions later in life, I just felt that good routine hygiene notwithstanding,  it was the safer option and would just mean that my boys had one less HEADache to worry about. (Head. Get it? You smirked. Admit it.) So, at the time--more than 18 years ago now since our first was born--the decision was based more on simple practicality than on esthetics. And certainly the notion of social pressure and sexuality never entered into it. I mean who thinks about their 6 pound, 4-day-old son eventually facing the scrutinizing stare of a potential sexual partner!?

But now...considering what I know of the sexual socialization of our North American society, I am doubly grateful that my boys will not be faced with the label of being "uncut." I know that the sexual experts would likely disagree. They would say that medically there is no reason for the procedure. That it is unnatural. That it causes a decrease of sensitivity, and is an antiquated custom. This is all true, I am sure. With modern hygiene customs there is no reason that an uncircumcized man can't be as well-groomed, clean and attractive as his counterpart.  However, the simple truth seems to be that public perception is different.

A few months back I overheard a conversation between a couple of women whom I work with. These two women are mothers of young sons. They were arguing with another young woman who is of dating age, and who was trying to explain to them why she vastly preferred to date circumcized men--and that she was not alone in this attitude. But these women who had chosen not to circumcize their boys were having a hard time accepting her arguments.

I joined the discussion and reinforced what the younger woman was saying. She is not alone in these attitudes. I know of many single women who have told me that they are very hesitant to be with an uncut man. They tell me that they've had bad experiences in the past. That yeast infections seem to follow such encounters, and that too many uncut men do not seem to have the knack of keeping themselves properly groomed. There is also the simple factor of esthetics. Right or wrong, we've become accustomed to the sight of the circumcized penis, and deviations from that "norm" may cause some hesitation in potential partners.

So, whether this convention is right or wrong is not the issue. Should we take strides to change it? Personally...considering my experience with medical issues like infections and unretracted foreskins, I'm not convinced that it is medically unwarranted. If I felt that it was harmful in some way, either medically or to men's self esteem--such as the attitudes towards women and their weight, then I would feel very differently. However, I don't. I think it's a procedure that, while not exactly necessary, has numerous benefits, and parents should consider it as such.

Many years ago my sister-in-law had a son and was planning on circumcizing him, but a meddling and opinionated doctor accused her of wanting to "mutilate" her child and eventually talked her out of it. She regretted that decision numerous times in the years since, but of course later in life the decision becomes much more daunting. Frankly I think that doctor should have to endure a Jewish bris sans anesthetic for using such strong-arm tactics!

The choice should be made by loving parents who have their child's best interests at heart and have all the information they need to make an educated decision. And social convention is not a factor to be dismissed out of hand. Just ask any teenage boy who is dropping his drawers in front of a girl for the first time!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Familiarity breeds...comfort.

Last night I came to bed very late. After working a busy 3-11 evening shift I always take a little time to wind down, read a few e-mails, play some Bejewelled and, of course, have a small bowl of my favorite cereal. (Cereal is my all-time favorite comfort food. With a dash of nice cold milk...and maybe some fresh peaches.... Mmmmm....) Anyway...I digress...

Needless to say it was close to one o'clock by the time I got all that essential stuff done and managed to crawl into bed beside my softly snoring honey. He was lying on his left side, and since I always sleep on the right side of the bed (This dates back to our first apartment when the right side of the bed was closest to the washroom. Somehow washroomn positions changed, but my spot on the bed never did. In fact...come to think of every place we've had since I've been farthest from the bathroom! Hmmm...) Anyway...I digress...

Since I always sleep on the left side of the bed and he always insists that I am to snuggle up to him when I come to bed, even if it risks waking him, I did just that. The thing was, just as I was snuggling up, I realized I needed to take off my earrings and turned over to lay them on the bedside table. When I turned back to the honey...I had to chuckle because his right arm was hovering in the air.  Why? you may ask? Because he had sensed me get into bed and had raised his arm in anticipation of my arm slipping under his in our usual, and very familiar, spoony position. I finally snuggled into position with my arm around his waist, his arm draped over mine and our fingers entwined... and I don't think he ever quite woke up.

I love that position. Whether it's my front to his back or vice versa, with his arm wrapped so strong around my waist, there is no better way to snuggle down under the covers and feel safe and warm and completely comfortable and at ease.

There are a lot of things in my life that are routine, predictable and, yes, very comfortable. Things like pizza and movie night with the boys on Fridays. Sitting down to dinner at 6:30, the moment Dad gets home from work. Cereal for breakfast. And sex with the same man for the past 22 years.

Sure things get changed up every once in a while. Variables occasionally come into play...things like vacations, work schedules, bacon and handcuffs. These things are good for variety and to add spice, but in a way they also help us to appreciate the return to the comfortable--the familiar.

There's nothing wrong with having dinner with your family at the same time most nights. And there's nothing wrong with sex with your lover becoming a tad routine. A tad...familiar. Familiarity doesn't necessarily equate with boring. Familiar can also mean that you know what you're doing. You know what works and what doesn't. When your partner's mood is not conducive to long foreplay...and when it is. When to skip the usual oral and go directly to fucking! It's like a waltz...a series of steps and moves, dips and swings, that you've learned so well together over the years that it becomes second nature. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I've never really understood the old "familiarity breeds contempt" addage. It only breeds contempt if you're living in misery, if you don't like your partner in the first place. If you've picked the wrong music and don't know how to waltz.

I love to get down and boogie just as much as the next gal...but the waltz is definitely more enduring and more elegant...and I plan to keep doing it for many more years to come.