Sex. It drives us, makes us who we are. I write it and I have a lot of opinions about it. And about other things--everything from movies to politics to education. In fact, after several months absence I've come to realize that I am no sex-pert and that my opinions and passions are far too varied to limit myself to only sexual issues. So....since this is my blog, I figure I should be able to voice my opinions about whatever I please.
If that makes me a be it!

So read, comment, ask questions, rant and rave...but most of all enjoy and open your mind to possibilities!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

A cougar and proud of it!

So... much like the rest of North America I've been glued to the Olympics pretty steadily over the past two weeks. And, much like the rest of Canada, that has meant enduring hours upon hours of the CTV network's  endless commentaries, interviews, analyses, projections and histories of all the events. Because, God knows...THAT is what we tune in to watch, right? Argh.

So, all rantings aside, one little tidbit did jump out at me out of all that inane jibber-jabber. And that was a reference to the Canadian women's curling team's skip being a "cougar." The reporter mentioned that Cheryl Bernard is a very attractive woman in her forties, and that the "c" word has been tossed around quite a bit in reference to her. The reporter then went on to observe that Cheryl didn't appear to be offended by the reference, but took it all in stride and/or shrugged it off quite gracefully. My first thought was...and why would she be offended?

But I guess the origins of the term are generally seen as derogatory, as evidenced by this juicy little clip from a Canadian radio station: Jack FM on Cougars  (btw, it was news to me to hear that the cougar term was coined in Canada!)  And honestly? Yeah...that little clip did offend me. It goes on the assumption that all mature women who have the nerve--let alone the ability--to seek out or seduce younger men are predators! And that makes me question....Is that the assumption that is made of a man in his 70's who is hobbling around with a twenty-two-year-old bottle blonde, silicone-accessorized Barbie on his arm? No, of course not. In that case, we zone in on the young woman, accusing her of being a gold digger. An opportunist. A predator.

Because, as history and the gods can attest, if there is fault or complicity to be found in a sexual liaison or encounter, it is pretty much always to be found with the female half of the pair. Because women are naturally devious and predatory....right? WRONG!

As with many female derogatories, there is no equivalent male insult to be found for "cougar". Even the term "manther", which I recently heard tossed out as a possibility, does not have nearly the same connotation as the predatory nod to cougardom. Hence I prefer to apply my personal alternate philosophy...and rather than evade the word, or make a futile attempt to eradicate it...I prefer to take ownership of it.

Personally, I'm a bitch and proud of it. I love the song  by Meredith Brooks. It goes another step by giving the word--and hence the woman--power over the word and herself. And in that same vein I would be honored to be accused of being a cougar. Just as I would to be called a MILF. If someone looked at me and thought..."Hey, she's sexy and savvy enough to entice a young buck into bed for a romp or two,"....I'd be perfectly cool with that. And seriously, many twenty-something-year-old men don't find the thought of being with an older woman intriguing? They're not being taken advantage of. They know EXACTLY what they're getting in the deal....a sexy woman who knows what she likes, knows what she's doing, could probably teach him a few things, and very likely isn't looking for any kind of long term commitment. What young horny dude wouldn't jump at an opportunity like that? And do so with his eyes wide open. To assert that he's being "taken advantage of" is as insulting to him as it is to the woman.

So I sincerely hope that Cheryl, like myself, is secretly thrilled at the label. Maybe she didn't win the gold, but she did for curling what Tiger (the old Tiger, at least) did for golf. She's helped make it sexy and fun. And I say more power to her!


  1. I didn't know the origin of the c word (thanks) but I have often wondered why the old farts with the trophy wives didn't get a label.
    Or maybe perv covers that? heh

    So... does my lust-on for Sidney make me a cougar or a perv? LOL

  2. As the older woman in my life points it: "you are only as old as the man you feel..."
    What is in a name anyway? Epithets are used to make the unknown and the unbridled safe. They are used by the jealous, the insecure and the unimaginative.
    And it makes me sad that the link is from a Radio station in my current town, Rhymes with Fun. Coincidently the University women's teams here are all called the "lady cougars".
    How ironical is that?