Watch out for the bum police!

No, no...I'm not talking about cops rounding up beggars and vagrants or mean old men in fingerless gloves with dogs named Bullseye. I'm talking about Bedroom Bobbies. Carnal cops. The Pussy Patrol! Or, my personal favourite, the Orifice Officers! Because that's what my rant is about, after all. It's about which orifice the state deems appropriate for penetration...as highlighted by this video of a New Hampshire State Representative sharing her thoughts on the issue:
Nancy Elliott Speaks

So...her incredibly ASSinine word choice and obvious ignorance aside, this brings up for me again, the timeless question...why does the state or the government or the church, or ANYONE care what people's orifice of choice is for sex? (Pardon the phrasing. There just doesn't seem to be an easy way to write that.) For as much as that makes no sense to me, laws and ordinances and regulations relating to sexual preferences are as common as they are crazy. According to Wikipedia, sodomy laws--which include oral sex and masturbation, btw--exist in 70 of the 195 countries of the world. And, much to my shock and dismay, many so-called civilized Western nations are included in this number. And that includes my beloved home soil. Apparently, in Canada, anal sex is legal between consenting adults, as long as there are no more than two people involved. Ah, damn. There go my plans for that anal threesome this weekend.

So, I have two huge questions with regards to these laws. The first, perplexing question is...how, exactly, does one monitor and enforce such laws? Beyond having Big Brother type cameras in the bedrooms of the world and creating a titillating task force to monitor it all...what ARE the options? And then, of course, is the much bigger question which I've already mentioned in my rant....WHY?

How exactly does the insertion of a penis into another person's rectum and "wiggling it around in excrement" (oh, it hurts me to even type that) threatens homeland security? Or the economy? Or even my pension?

As far as I can tell the only threat is to the lawmaker's sense of control over their world. To their ignorance and intolerance. Allowing anal sex..or oral sex...or threesomes...or even sex with men with breasts...could lead to opening all sorts of back doors...and shattering the tiny little boxes that these ignoramuses have chosen to call home.

So what's the moral of this story? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw brass butt plugs? Or maybe just...MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!