Sex. It drives us, makes us who we are. I write it and I have a lot of opinions about it. And about other things--everything from movies to politics to education. In fact, after several months absence I've come to realize that I am no sex-pert and that my opinions and passions are far too varied to limit myself to only sexual issues. So....since this is my blog, I figure I should be able to voice my opinions about whatever I please.
If that makes me a be it!

So read, comment, ask questions, rant and rave...but most of all enjoy and open your mind to possibilities!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

It's all about geOh-graphy

Men fake orgasms? Huh? Really? If that's the case, then the next logical question is...with whom? Obviously not with women--or men for that matter--who are big believers in empirical evidence.

But yes...this is just one of the juicy little tidbits of information that caught my eye from this survey, based on info from Dr. Phil and the Kinsey Institute: The Female Orgasm: By the numbers. (Just scroll down a bit to see the majority of survey results.)

A number of things jumped out at me from this survey...almost all of them disturbing, although truly not overly surprising. Things like the fact that women's orgasms--or lack thereof--are 90% psychological, and that we can typically achieve it in a fraction of the time all on our own, rather than with help. Maybe it's not as much fun...but it doesn't seem to be as much work either! Especially with the help of some well-placed batteries. ;-)

But what I did find truly disturbing is the number of women who are unable to identify their OWN "points of interest" on a map. And the fact that men beat us out on this one's humiliating. However, again, perhaps not all that surprising. And is, no doubt, a huge contributing factor to the difficulty that many women have in achieving orgasm at all.

I come from a religious background that was--when it came to sex, at least--very conservatively skewed. I remember vividly having the feeling that "down there" was a bad place, and not something that should be explored too thoroughly. My first trip to a gynecologist was somewhat traumatic, to say the least. So once I met my future husband, and we started experimenting sexually, it was much easier to allow him to do the "dirty work" rather than to do it myself. And much less scary. Luckily I was open-minded and curious enough to eventually overcome some of those barriers and explore things on my own, but I'm pretty sure I was well into my twenties the first time I picked up a mirror and, that's what that looks like! And then I went directly to the internet looking for pictures to confirm that what I had wasn't a hideous aberration compared to what the rest of the world possessed.

So, am I unique? Obviously not! And can we blame it on the old-world mentality that existed in the 50's and which just lingered a little longer but that we are now well on our way to overcoming? Well, judging from the fact that I recently met a 20-something-year-old who told me that she had never used a tampon, let alone actually looked at herself "down there"...I suppose that's not true either.

I think the internet and the the new world of information and sharing and sexual freedom has brought us a long way...but we've still got a long way to go, people! And it starts with our kids and our friends. We need to talk about it more. Maybe even look at pictures. Explain, discuss, question. And make sure people know that it's OKAY! It's okay to be curious, and to explore, and yes, even to touch. They're OUR bodies, for God's sake! Being ashamed or afraid of them is not an option!

So to the celibate--and I highly suspect orgasm-free--"friend" who once warned me that my writing and my books are a bad reflection on me and an evil influence on my family and my readers...I say...Go out and get a Pocket Rocket and learn how to use it! THEN we'll talk!


  1. Dear Diva,
    If you are wondering about men faking orgasms... it is true... I've done it with women (in my younger days). Back then, no glove - no love. Wearing a condom severely impacted on the amount of feeling I rec'd, so I could go for hours (and hours, if necessary)... but dammit all to Hell, sometimes I got tired and I figured they had enough. I used to ask if she had enough - an affirmative meant I could finish up my multiple orgasm and single ejaculation (which I learned from a book - The Male Multiple Orgasm)... and if fatigue was setting in, I could fake an ejaculation into my condom. Hell, what women really wants to take a used condom off a guy's dick? I'm sure there are women out there who would, but I did not meet any. You'll notice I said I faked the ejaculation and the accompanying orgasm... but that's okay because I already had an orgasm or two earlier without coming.
    I enjoyed reading your blog.

  2. Thanks for the clarification, AJ! LOL. Yeah...I see your point about the condoms and the "condom removal" issue. And if a woman is sated enough...she's probably not overly concerned with checking for evidence.