Sex. It drives us, makes us who we are. I write it and I have a lot of opinions about it. And about other things--everything from movies to politics to education. In fact, after several months absence I've come to realize that I am no sex-pert and that my opinions and passions are far too varied to limit myself to only sexual issues. So....since this is my blog, I figure I should be able to voice my opinions about whatever I please.
If that makes me a be it!

So read, comment, ask questions, rant and rave...but most of all enjoy and open your mind to possibilities!

Sunday, March 28, 2010


This week I was fortunate to catch Oprah's special report on the porn industry and how its consumer demographic is changing to include far more women.

Actually, I'm not normally a big Oprah watcher, and the only reason I caught it was because a friend texted me thinking that the title "Why Millions of women are using Porn and Erotica" implied a touch on erotic literature. Unfortunately this didn't turn out to be the case. However it still made for a very interesting, albeit not exactly surprisin--for me--hour of TV viewing. The guests included Violet Blue, a sex educator and the "foremost expert on sex and technology." Uh...Pardon? Not sure what that means, but based on her website, she's now in my sidebar!!

There was also  the owner of the G Boutique, a Chicago sex shop with merchandise geared to women and couples and which stocks more "female friendly" porn. Female friendly porn? Really? That means porn that has more of a story. Porn that is more sensual. And porn with men whose merits are based as much on  on their abs and the strength of their jawline as on their penis size. Ron Jeremy's glory days are over. Finally!

And, of course, the main feature on the show was super-star porn queen Jenna Jameson. Nope...I had never heard of her. But apparently, for many, she's a household name. And one of the richest, most successful and most savvy of her ilk.

Numerous little tidbits came out of that show. Things like the fact that women in porn are much more highly paid than their male counterparts. The fact that Jameson, despite the number of movies that she has made, has really only had a scant few half dozen or so partners--the vast majority of her scenes having taken place with her husband! And the fact that showing your blood test results before filming has become standard practise. And, perhaps the biggest, most significant statistic, and the one that spurred Oprah to do this show, is the fact that women now account for one in three of those perving the websites and doling out their hard earned cash for porn and erotica.

To me, none of this was a huge surprise. I found it all fascinating and, to some degree, empowering! I think it's awesome that women are moving in, and starting to have an influence on the single most lucrative and arguably influential industry in North America.

Oprah, however, did not share my enthusiasm. Her expression throughout the show could, at its best, be described as uncertain. And, at it's worst resembled that of a constipated camel. Oprah was not impressed by either Jenna Jameson's testimony, or by the G Boutique's invasion of her pristine vision of her hometown. Even my youngest son who was sitting at the computer and glancing up at the show occasionally commented on how unhappy she looked. She never smiled. Not once.

So, I'm sorry, Oprah. I'm not sorry that women are finally taking ownership of their sexuality and moving into one of the last completely male-dominated industries in the world. I'm not sorry that women are feeling free to watch erotic movies with their partners...or alone for that matter, and pleasure themselves as they feel the need. I'm not sorry that women are even feeling free to watch and enjoy gay porn! What I am sorry about is the fact that for all your "empowering women" rhetoric you seem to be out of touch with the fact that part of that empowerment is to take ownership and find freedom in our own sexuality. I'm sorry that all this new information has burst your pristine little "women should represent the purity of the race" bubble.

Purity is overrated, I'm afraid. Purity is more about oppression than "goodness."
In fact sex is good. And good sex ain't just for men anymore, baby!


  1. "Why Millions of women are using Porn and Erotica" Wow. What a biased title right off the bat? USING porn? Do woman USE historical fantasy? Do they USE Comedy? Autobiographies? How is porn not yet a genre, rather than a vice? I did not USE UFC last night, I watched it. The stigma of erotica is insidiously prevalent, even when being spoken about in a positive light. As to Violet Blue, I have been a fan for over 3 years. Check out her involvement in SRL and her friends at the Extra Action Marching Band as well. She gets the current culture. Another bright, engaging and connects sex positive author is Audacia Ray Check out, her daily blog/

  2. An excellent point, Mac! And an implied bias that completely zinged over my head.
    I'll be sure to check out the Waking Vixen!
    Where the heck have I been that I havent heard of all these awesome women?